Men & Domestic Violence. We’ve a long way to go.

M

Family and domestic violence is  a horrific reality, frequently hidden behind the four walls of our homes.  The Australian Institute for Health & Welfare, recently released the latest data on family & domestic violence (FDV). Three things stood out to me.

1. FDV  is stubbornly resistant to change

The public education campaigns that have run over the last few years have successfully highlighted the issue and seen an upswing in people seeking assistance to leave a violent relationship. Yet the incidence of domestic violence is not diminishing. The Australian Bureau of Statistics Personal Safety Survey was released in 2006, 2011, and 2016. During that time the proportion of women who had experienced violence in their homes during the 12 months prior to the survey grew from 1.5% to 1.7%. For men the rise was from 0.4% to 0.8%.

2. Men aged 20-40 account for 3/5 of all FDV proceedings

The report notes that violence permissive attitudes are higher among 16-24 year old males than any other group. Half this cohort thought it was acceptable to track a partner by electronic means without her consent; 2/5 of the cohort did not see attempts to control a partner by denying her money, nor continual criticism of a partner with the goal of making her feel bad and worthless, as abuse; and 1/4 did notes attempts to control a partner’s social life as abuse.

I suspect this requires men, myself included, to cultivate a respectful, gentle masculinity, to teach and model it in our homes, churches and community groups, and to take a stand when we see people attempting to control others.

3. Most women who are abused will turn to a friend for help.

Close to 70% of women who experience abuse and seek support will seek it from a  friend or family member. This makes it vital that we know what to do and say.

Here’s my quick guide, based on material I’ve read and discussion I’ve had:

  1. Listen…listen…listen
  2. Communicate that you believe what you’re being told.
  3. Ask them if they feel safe going home, and if they do not then work with them to find safe place to stay.
  4. Volunteer to go with them to seek assistance from people with the professional skills to help (eg a local domestic violence service centre, or a cal to a family and domestic violence hotline).
  5. Maintain confidence 

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Kristine Morrison
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Kristine Morrison

I had an annoying, low level exchange with someone at a function recently. I did just what the woman is doing in your photo. I put my hand out to give myself some distance because I could tell I was about to receive a distasteful comment. Undeterred, the man continued with his remarks. I said “That’s inappropriate” and walked away. I talked to the Pastor later and he counseled the man. I later received a written apology. It would have been good if the letter had stopped at the apology, however, he went on to chastise me for not letting… Read more »

SCott
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SCott

Hi Kris,
What an awful experience…I think many offs men are oblivious to the privilege and power we assume.

Nicky
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Nicky

I’m glad you’re writing about this Scott, but shouldn’t the image be a man saying no to harming women, enough is enough? Why depict the woman taking responsibility for limiting the bad behaviour of men?

Scott Higgins
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Scott Higgins

Hi Nicky,

Yes, you’re probably right.

Linda
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Linda

Hi Scott, I have just returned this afternoon from a memorial service for a woman murdered by her ex-husband, and found your article in my inbox. I think there is one more step to take and that is to advocate. This woman did tell friends, and go to the police, and seek help from services – all to no avail. Even though her husband breached intervention orders on multiple occasions, he was not detained, and therefore physically able to continue the violence and eventually kill her. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if everyone who had an intervention order against them had… Read more »

Scott Higgins
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Scott Higgins

Hi Linda,

So sorry to hear of the woman who was murdered her ex-husband.

Totally agree with you on advocacy. In fact I am helping coordinate an advocacy campaign for Baptist churches – see noplaceforviolence.com – and am pulling together research on the inability of many current domestic violence service providers to meet tech demand for their services. A group of Baptist leaders from around Australia (50% male and 50% female) will be travelling not Canberra in September to speak to our federal politicians about this.

Linda
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Linda

Thanks for letting me know about that, Scott. That sounds really positive.

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